I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
