he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
