Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
