is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
