On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
two words...techno handjob
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
