i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
