last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
