we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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