I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
