i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
