oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
