Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
