Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
