An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
