I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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