You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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