No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
In America we eat man semen.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
