people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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