I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
