If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
