my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
