My nipple is on Facebook.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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