You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
