i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
