sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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