i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
