I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
