You're a womanizer and a bitch.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
