Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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