and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
