I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
