i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
