I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
