it's too hot outside to masturbate.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
