dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
