Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am one with the molecules
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
