yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
