i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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