Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
