I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i out mim tonsoeep
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