I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
