never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
