Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
