I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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