and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
