We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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