Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You ate ashes out of my bong
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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