I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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