I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
