Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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