she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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