If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
wow bdsm is so cute
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