At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My penis needs a shock collar
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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